Waiting for Hari

soft garden day

Today was as soft a day as I could have wished for. Since Thursday we have been thinking and talking and wondering about Zhi Kuang. She has come to us with such a vague and sketchy report. If it could only say something of her mental development and personality. Then on Friday, I was emailed the file of another girl who is 7, and takes very good pictures, and has a report with much more explanation and description, and both of us felt guilty, as if we were betraying Kuang. I let out cries for help, but our decision had occurred without our knowing it. On Saturday, I went to a FTIA waiting parents meeting. The meeting was boring with nothing I did not know and waiting parents who asked stupid questions. Read, I wanted to shout out loud, Read! I have questions as well but questions beyond the very basics. Still, the meeting afforded me an opportunity to meet a few mothers with girls who were there running around and playing. Some of them were born in the same year as Kuang, and were about the same size. Oh, she is a peanut. One of the mom's had been to Nanang; her daughter from the same region as Kuang. And I looked at all the little girls and was more in love. That night a mother who was traveling to Kuang's SWI next week emailed and offered to try to see her or talk to those at the orphanage. She has no assurance that she will get to the orphanage, but she might. She might not see Kuang, but if she tells them she wants to see her, maybe they will make it possible. And maybe, we will get another review. How I would love to hear that Kuang is a smiling, running child, full of life and fun. And last night, we also did adoption work -- making corrections on our home study, doing our financial sheet, and checking and filing. I will pick up our employment letters from the Chinese consulate tomorrow.

And then today was soft. I went out a little past ten to clean the garden. There was still a soft fog blanketing the garden and the smell of fresh dirt and spring. Snow drops are in full bloom and during the next hours crosus bloomed as did my pink forcythia. I listened to Chinese for mommies and cut down grasses and cleaned leaes and old stems. It was so wonderful to gt out to work the soil. I was so much at rest. Sure we are following a path, laying down steps on a certain yellow brick path.

We are sending Kuang's file to Dr. Jenista tomorrow. I hope she finds some different or better translation, I hope she sees more than we do in the report.

We are so close to committing and falling recklessly in love with Zhi Kuang.

posted by Suz @ 12:06 AM