Decisions
We decided this morning over oatmeal and coffee to go with FTIA for our adoption. We will do the non-special needs route with the idea that if a waiting child appears on the list, we will do special needs. D is most comfortable with this decision, and I, although one part of me hates to give up the chase, know that such a decision will cut down on the confusion and proliferation of paper and lists and yahoo groups. So much of this mission is a leap of faith, like pregnancy and the odd combinations of dominant and recessive genes that make a person. Sooner or later with the conception of a bio child, you make the decision to begin and have sex and hope it begins. Who knows if the offered egg that month and the strongest sperm will make a child that fits well in your womb, your family, and your world, but you make the decision and blindly proceed from there. That same sort of decision is all over the adoption process, but it feels more rational because you are choosing an agency, a social worker, giving parameters for the child. It is not rational, the leap remains. And I am trusting in gut feelings to some extent -- after a plenitude of research -- we need focus and order and so we chose an agency. Will they have our daughter on their list -- well, yes, because their list is what we will have to chose from. It is a leap of faith. Some magic. Much hope. And the red thread is pulled just a little tighter bringing us closer to this little girl who is our daughter.
posted by Suz @ 10:36 AM
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