tumbling forward
Is transformation always a good thing? I've been exhausted this week after a weekend in Connecticut to visit the kid. It was delightful; I ate too much, but had a wonderful time talking to her and just hanging out with her and friends. But I come back to Chicago and almost immediately take a tumble on the street. Tripped. My theory is a loss of balance, loss of a center. This is part of change but it is very scary. I remember gaining weight during pregnancy, changing body shape and feeling the same way. I have no idea right now whether I need all these changes. Going places that I had no idea I would go.
In a dance workshop class I was in during the summer, I was running across the dance floor -- one of those nice floors with that black rubbery material. Something that feels good on the feet -- grip and strength. I was running and lost balance leaning forward. I knew I was going down, but it took a very long time. I kept running with a strange possibility to righting myself. Not at all in slow motion, but a long drawn out fall. When I reached the ground, there was no surprise at where I was going to wind up, but some shock about time -- how long was it? Was it some angels?
I have no idea where I am going. Living now, not projecting where it will lead to -- all very hard, but no way at all to make a guess. I imagine finding that threshold or have I already tripped over it?
posted by Suz @ 10:04 PM
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