Waiting for Hari

Indianapolis -- Home, Sweet, Home

It is about 3:30 am, but my internal clock, and my predilection for coming alive for a little while during the night, fight against more sleep.

Julia woke up about an hour ago after getting to sleep about 9 last night. I gave her some benydryl and sang to her for an hour. She is now asleep and I hope she stays in bed until first light. We need to get her on Indy time asap. I feel her yearning for some regularity in her life.

I realized on the plane ride that did not end ( 15 hours? 75? 132?) that since she had been with us (13 days give or take the time lost and/or gained at the international date line), Julia Bye has not been in just one place (even a hotel room) for a straight 15 hours. How tough is that on her? On anyone?

On the plane, she played with her bear and two of those little pillow cases for over an hour. Dressing and wrapping the bear, singing to him, telling him not to cry and sharing him with me.
Her room is perfect -- just enough stuff, not too much to overwhelm. Everyone who gave Julia a stuffed animal is wonderful! You have never, ever seen a little girl so happy, as Julia was when she went into her room and found her stuffed dog, cat, polar bear, bunny, And the black dog from the Mann girls! And the two dresses hanging in the closet got a hug when she saw them.

Marcia met us at the airport – hours early. We are so grateful that she could pick us up, could drop what she was doing and come to get us early, and that we could get an earlier flight from Newark. The woman at the Continental counter waived the change of flight fee because we were adopting. How nice is that! How many times during this journey have we been blessed with generosity from those we love and from strangers. At times, I do feel like we have sun shine beaming directly down on us.

Current questions which are keeping my eyes open:

Why didn’t I really believe that Julia would regress this much? And why didn’t I baby proof our house for a 2 year old? Two is probably not being fair to her – 3 maybe. But with the brains, guile, wisdom, and incredible strength and stubbornness of a full 5.5 year old.

Is she normal? Bright? Clever? Is she really speaking Chinese? These are normal mom questions. Yes, I am worried some, and even feel a bit resentful of the orphanage director who could have given us more on Julia. But deep down, I know all is fine.

Should I find a stroller? And thank you to, M3, whose link to stroller rating made my night just now! Yes, there are strollers what carry more than 40 pounds!

How many more tantrums? I want to thank each person on the China-Newark leg of our trip for not making snide comments out loud or wiggling fingers as they passed our seats during Julia’s 45 minute melt down before she went to sleep for 2 hours. Of course, there was that little old Chinese man who stood and watch her wail and flail for a good 10 minutes. I have no idea what he was thinking. I’d also like to thank the baby who cried at least as long, if not longer, than Julia. And I did not mind one bit.

Will she hate us? Oh, the look in that kid’s eyes when she is angry at me. It is very pure. If looks could kill, I’d be charcoal! I take comfort in her smiles and hugs, but when this kid is angry . . . remember that story of Jesus in the temple with the money changers? I don’t know why I just thought of that, but the comparison is apt. Righteous anger – Julia has lots right now.

What am I going to do with her tomorrow, and then next day, and the next, and the . . .

Okay, I’m going back to bed. I’ll figure the rest out tomorrow.

Just one more thing -- People have said we are special, very good, generous, etc., for adopting an older child. I have to admit that these last two weeks, I've looked at the babies in our group with envy. Babies cry and fret and spit up and have messy diapers and get teeth and don't sleep, but they are small, and prone to love pretty quickly. I could go for that, but from the beginning we felt sure that an older kid was for us, and although it has made the China journey harder, and although I have no idea what comes next, I do not doubt the wisdom of our decision. There are no words to describe how right it was.

posted by Suz @ 3:42 AM