Waiting for Hari

Steps and the good cutting hand

Yesterday, ummm. One step forward; how many in reverse? Julia had a splendid day in school – followed directions, lined up, did well in the playground, did a good job at cutting a drawing of a school bus, and she was well praised for the cutting work. Mrs. Levine said that apart from her language skills, she is no more behind than kids who were never exposed to learning before they attended school. This is no great compliment but it is no great insult either. She did throw her shoes once but it was just once. There is no more talk about putting her in pre-K, and Mrs. Levine and Julia's teachers seem pretty sure that she will do fine in kindergarten.

Then we went to Marcia’s house (Matthew had the day off and Marcia decided to stay home). We had fun being stay at home moms for the day – having lunch together and making carmel apples. Julia played with Matthew and by her self with a set of tinker toys and ate lunch well. It was delightful. (She did get knocked down by Sarah, the dog, when we first came in but she recovered quickly from that.)

When we returned home, I had wanted to do some gardening or baking but felt this cold pressing down on me and I really didn’t want to do anything. I was puttering in the kitchen when Julia went upstairs by herself. She has been doing this – going to her own room at times alone – and as long as I can hear her, I don’t worry. I could hear her banging around for a little while and then heard her coming down the stairs. She came to me to show me what she had done and I saw her Bitty Baby doll all cut up. Julia had cut up the soft body and it was empty of stuffing. I tried not to react but I was pretty horrified. We went upstairs to see what she had done. On the hall floor was scraps of cotton used to stuff the doll. Most of the cotton was in the bathroom trash can. She seemed to be perplexed as to my reaction and I was scared to react in any real way. Truthfully, I was appalled. So okay, this was the only expensive toy that we have bought and I am still cheap enough to feel very badly that she had mangled our gift to her. But more than economics, I am a doll girl. I loved dolls as a kid and I still have such a fondness for them. AND my Julia, who appears to also love her doll, cut up a doll! It kind of scared me. No, it did scare me. What next? How could I allow her to be alone for even an instant? What else would she do? I needed a deep breath and a clear head. I needed someone else to be there and judge what had gone on. I was able to tell her, rather calmly, I think, that this was not good behavior and she was not a good girl when she did this. (She knows what a good girl is, and is very proud when we tell her she is a good girl. We use to make the distinction for Cheshire between good girl and good behavior, but right now that distinction is a bit too much for Julia.) She was not a good girl when she cut up her doll. I gathered up the cotton and tried to stuff it back into the body. Silly that, the body is too cut up to sew together, and when I have the doll fixed, they will re-stuff it I am sure. But it was something to do. Then we went into my room and put the doll on a high shelf.

Julia did not cut the doll’s body out of anger or in defiance – at least it doesn’t seem so. To me, destroying a doll is such a major thing, but what is it to her? I had to think about that for awhile. I called and talked to David. How different was it from examining a clock, taking apart of machine? I did not punish Julia for this because I was not sure that there was anything to punish her for. Yes, destroying property, but what does she know of property. I was upset that she was not upset; did not seem to realize that she did anything wrong. Umm, we have so much work.

Yes, one step forward and another some other way.

posted by Suz @ 9:56 AM