27 June 2006

life sucks

I am not going to even read what I wrote last night, not able to sleep and plenty cranky. Now, I am only worse. I have not been home since last Wednesday and I am homesick. Work is driving me crazy. Even mail is not on my side -- usually by not getting any. Yesterday, I received the renewal notice on my Chicago lease. Ach! Oy! I don't even know if I will have a job here or if it will be half time, AND they are raising my rent as a high rise goes up along side of my side of the building so I will have a wall to look at. Today, I can't even look at the corrections that M has made on my drafts. And I am suddenly afraid of everything. And I don't want to do anything. Julia's room is not finished, I have not lost weight, I have not learned enough Chinese or read enough books, I am still confused about commas. Life feels like it sucks.

I know, I know. This is just today. It is over re-acting to everything and it will pass. IF everything goes as it should (and what are the chances of that??), we should leave for China in 7 weeks. I don't know if I can wait. I would like to hibernate for this time. Then, at least, I would have lost some weight and caught up on sleep.

And I don't have my ipod so no music in my head. And I waste time all the time.

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