Waiting for Hari

More changes

I am normally in the grip of such optimism, but the weekend was not easy. Julia had a pretty good week. Halloween, as well as Wednesday and Thursday off from school, were all very fine. She had a stellar report from school on Friday, and her behavior at home was loving and calm. But her behavior on the weekend was a challenge. She was unable to be in the language class of Saturday's Chinese class without whining and crying. I took her out to another room and she had a mini-tantrum. She did manage to get back inside for the last 15 minutes. I was wondering if being with a group of Chinese kids reminds her of being in the orphanage, and the orphanage behaviors blossom. She was better for dance class although not as good as the last week. I think however that she is starting to be aware of when her behavior displeases me. She is very lovey and even says sorry after bad behavior. I do offer her lots of affection when she does this, and even when she is behaving badly, I tell her that I love her and want her to behave well.

Julia is fond of pointing to herself and saying "good girl," and she doesn’t try to do that when she is behaving badly. This changed yesterday when we were leaving the kids museum. She had trouble listening to our directions and I finally have her an ultimatum of listening or going home. She did not want to listen and so we started on our way out. She was not cooperative and sat on the ground just outside the museum. She did not want to go and cried -- no, yelled -- to go back in. She did this for a few minutes before giving in and following us up the parking ramp. As she was going up the ramp, she said over and over, "good girl." I said that she was not a good girl in the museum, but I honestly don't know if it was right to say that or to agree with her because was was walking up the ramp with us. So much I don't know.

Once again, I fell like I need to re-tool. When her energy is defiant and angry, I cannot add to it. Right now, it is my frustration that is getting the best of me. I can be calm when we are at home, or doing nothing inparticular, but when we are out or when I've planned something that I am just sure she will like, I do get frustrated that she will not follow my lead.

Julia is repeating sounds as she searches for the end of a words. It sounds somewhat like pre-stuttering, but I remember Cheshire doing somewhat the same thing when she was beginning to speak. Sadly, she is also doing this for the Chinese words that she has used so freely since we've been together. She is losing her Chinese. I cannot imagine the frustration for her. She is a very verbal child and here her words are disappearing. I know this is a necessary phase -- lose the first language before acquiring the second -- but how tough on this little one who cannot read the book that explains it all. It must be very scary for her.

My folks sent Julia a wrapped gift. We took off the brown paper and she just looked at the wrapped package. She liked the paper and the ribbon but didn’t seem to know that the paper had to come off. Daddy helped Julia take off the paper. Again, she had no idea of what to do, and Daddy helped her open the box. Once she saw the winter jacket, she was gleeful. We put it on her and she hugged herself in the coat. Later, when the coat was hung on the back of a chair, Julia went over and hugged it again.

A gentle reader of the blog has cautioned me not to take everything that Julia does so seriously. Ah, this is one of my real faults. It is something I’ve always done – making mountains out of mole hills and floods out of drizzles. Well, I can giggle sometimes and sometimes full out laugh at myself.

Julia’s behavior has not approve in the beginning of this week. She had a spotty day at school on Monday and Tuesday’s report was not at all good. On Tuesday it was warm enough not to wear tights under her dress, however, when DAvid picked her up after school, Julia’s teacher told him that she was picking up her dress a lot and not to send her in again without pants or tights. I think that they tried to put pants on her which I expect was awful! She has refused to put on pants for me since we met her. They told David that it was hard to get back on track after that. Well, I had told them she didn’t wear pants.

The day got no better as it went on. The kids museum was a mistake. I think we have to go back to spending more time at home doing small things – play dough, building, trains, painting, and writing. We also have the feeling that we are over stimulating Julia with too much stuff. She didn’t start out with too much stuff, but she’s gotten some gifts since she’s been home and there is not taking gifts away. Julia has also discovered little stores of Cheshire’s old toys, many meant for donation or a garage sale and has taken them on. And so, there may be far too many dolls, stuffed toys, play jewelry around. I am not sure how much stuff is too much, but maybe we are there. I will try sorting through stuff in the next few days and putting some of it away.

David has two days off this week and we are trying to transition her to care by both of us. David brought her to school today and will do so on Friday. I go back to work next week, and will spend three days in Chicago. I am hoping to go to working two days a week in Chicago, and I hope that Julia can deal with my traveling.

Okay, yes, I feel pretty guilty about going back to work. There is no question of whether I should go back to work, but that does not ease my guilt. I see her need, and I love this little girl. We will be forcing her to go through one more transition and I hope she is up for it.

posted by Suz @ 9:04 AM